Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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