I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
