Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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