yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
