i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
