Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
