Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
