Kiss
Puke
I wish my penis had an off switch
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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