We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
