Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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