we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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