so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
