My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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