can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
