This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
