hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
