is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
