I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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