Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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