I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
