I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
