Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
