Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
