Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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