My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
