so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
