I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
