If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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