she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You were trust falling into bushes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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