Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
