Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
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