he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
