im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
