how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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