when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
