I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He better not be in your backpack
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
