my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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