I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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