Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
