I'm jealous of your bromance
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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