SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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