Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
