I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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