Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
