Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You left your phone here
Wait...
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