i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
