why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
