I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
