No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
