It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
